I haven’t been able to blog as much lately for a couple of reasons. One is because I’ve realized I spend too much time online. So I’ve backed off. It’s extremely hard to keep up with all the bloggy friends online, maintain my home and family life, write for publication, prepare for upcoming talks, drive carpool, attend writers group once a week, work out, have God time, and connect one-on-one with friends face to face. I can’t do it all. And because of this burden I’ve put on myself, I’m burned out. I truly care about people, but I realize I cannot be there for every person I’ve ever met on a consistent or daily basis.
The second reason I haven’t blogged is because I’m seeking God for wisdom. I ache deeply to live from my heart and I don’t know how to fully do that yet. Inside I am crazy in love with Jesus. And I want out! I want to fly free with this passion wherever He leads me. I’m constantly thinking of God, talking and listening to Him, thanking Him, looking for His handiwork in nature, singing praises, watching or listening to online sermons, or reading His word or inspirational books. I especially long to discover God more by talking to others about Him. I’m hungry. Above all, I ache for MORE of His love and presence every day. And I want others to feel captivated by God’s relentless love like I am!
Much of this fire that runs through me still remains trapped inside me. I’m unsure of where or when to put it out into the world and to what extent. I have devotional thoughts from seven years ago that I’d love to share. I have word pictures that I’d love to talk about using props. Sometimes I feel shut up and silenced. By who? And why? Is it fear? Is it not time yet? I don’t know.
What I do know is I long to be a voice somehow, someway that points others to what matters most. God and love and people! I long to live radically for God by the heart. I’m wondering what the next step is.
Does it mean blogging more or less? Writing for hire or not at all? Taking a break from it all and entering a sabbath rest? I’m unsure. There’s no clear road this morning. Even believers have given me two different opinions, which means one group is wrong. I don’t like feeling trapped by the voices I hear. I want to hear His voice. I will always fight for freedom to be who God made me to be. And I long to challenge others to do the same thing.
Lately as I seek God for direction I keep hearing, “Go where I send you. Do not fear. I am with you.”
The bottom line is I’m in a holding pattern right now. I’m asking God hard questions like,
“Am I living to please people more than you? If so, help me break free and live sold out for You and You alone.”
“Is professional writing still right for me during this season of my life?”
“How do I live in balance and by the heart?”
Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life. Psalms 4:23
(Sorry this post is all about me today. I wanted you all to know where I’ve been and why there are inconsistent posts lately. Lord willing, I will be back soon with further direction and reflections. If I blog I want it to benefit you! I don’t want my words to be all about me. I’d rather write to give something of value to others, something worth sharing like God’s love. Please pray for clarity and for me to have the courage to respond to God’s call whatever it may be.)
Girl, you know how I feel about this one! Your heart is raw before us and before God, and I so appreciate your willingness to flesh the thing out. Make no excuses to us for tending to the needs of your soul…whatever that looks like for you.
I will tell you this. In my recent struggle (ongoing) along the same lines, my husband spoke some words of life to me. He simply said something like this…
“Elaine, why are your trying to bury a living thing?”
Tiffany, your words are fruit bearing, whether they write here or in your journal or for publication. As a struggling writer, I know the pull between the public and the private. It’s nearly robbed me of why I started writing in the first place. Nearly.
But my fast from writing last week, coupled with my intentional pause before God (deliberate time of just me and Him and his Word) freed me to just live in the daily. To move toward and in the gifting he’s given me with the goal of publication out there, but with the primary goal being to write for Him.
I think you can do both. You’ve just got to find your rhythm, and I believe the only way that will happen is to free yourself up for the pause.
Love u and will be praying for you in this time. Feel free to email if you so desire.
peace~elaine
Tiffany,
I was seeking the Lord this morning for a dear friend and for myself and others and as I was reading His Holy Word I felt the Lord speak so strongly to me from Galatians 5:1 “Stand fast therefore in the liberty by which Christ has made us free, and do not be entangled again with a yoke of bondange”.
I love your heart here. You don’t owe anyone an apology. Seeking the Lord for blogging or anything is what we all should be doing. Remember to stand fast in your liberties and not to be entangled with those things that keep us in bondage.
You are truly gifted. But how God wants you to use your gifts is between you and Him. Be blessed today sweet sister!!
You could be describing me trapped inside of myself. I feel so spiritual inside but can’t figure out how to get it out! WoW! Even though you don’t realize it, today’s post wasn’t all about you. It’s about a lot of us out here. It helped so much to read your struggle and know I’m not crazy! I’m not alone.
Praying for you Tiffany. Praying the Lord lead you in the direction He wants you to go and that you are certain with every step you take.
Hugs my friend!
I agree with you and the three other commenters. I too am posting less when it requires much from me. I’m also not posting just to post. If I don’t feel that God has laid something on my heart to share and I don’t have a pregnancy update – I’m probably not saying too much. I do still post my daily Scripture verse and my quotes because they are both inspirational to me and hopefully someone else.
Thank you Tiffany for your wise words that aren’t all about you. They are about us all!
Good for you. I know what you mean about balancing things. One thing I wanted to share is that you could seek publication for various posts on your blog. That way, you are able to be a voice at your blog as well as in publications. Just a suggestion.
Glad I stopped by!
Ohhhhhhh…yes! Thank you, Tiffany, for being “crazy in love with Jesus” and for sharing it with us. What a needed drink in my life this blog post is! I pray for greater freedom for you — we will all benefit.
Tiffany
I will pray for you, for God to give you guidance, and for Him to open the doors He wants opened and to close those He wants closed… and He will do that for you, I know, He has done it for me!
I have found recently that if I make a conscious effort each day to offer my life that day as a sacrifice to Him, He opens up opportunities throughout my day that never would have been there before, and my day is much more exciting!
He will answer the cry of your heart, and I can’t wait to hear what He tells you!
Praying for you precious sister.
I promise,you will come out of the other side smelling like the rose you are.
Love,
Paulette Harris
Dearest Tiffany, Thank you for sharing from your heart with us, for bearing your soul. Lately I have felt so tied to my computer that I’ve sought to back off, to get more balance. So I totally understand and also want to encourage you to continue to press into Christ and He will lead you-whether blogging, writing for a career or whatever. I love your passion for our Lord and that is what shines through most plus it makes me hunger more too. Blessings as you walk with Him.
Noreen
Tiffany, this post sparked great wise words from sisters. It is good for us to need and be needed. It is a great example of how we build each other up. If you didn’t share your need, we wouldn’t have a need to feed (I know you’ll have to think about that for a minute) But we all glean from each other.
The weight of your heart (obviously quite common to us girls) is many times just meant to be “Wait!” instead of weight.
Oh, this is wierd…but it’s what came to mind. The Lord works in mysterious ways-even through crazy blog comments…
He knows the plans He has for you! One day we will see your work published I am sure.
This reminds me of when I plant the garden. I keep going out to see the plants come up, and feel anxious for them, but eventually there they are!
I always enjoy reading your blog, and if I hop over and youre not here, I just come back later.
Obviously you are missed and loved!
Hey Tiffany,
So good to hear from you. I’ve been out of the loop as of late.
I love your tender heart, your honesty and willingness to do what it takes to be pleasing to our Father.
I recently read an article called “Uncluttering Our Lives”, the author said something that really spoke to my heart;
God’s work requires us to be engaged in life’s activities, but growing deep roots in God’s character requires solitude and silence.
That’s hard for me. But I do know in those times I’m able to hear His voice and experience His presence like no other time.
I usually emerge feeling refreshed and ready to share all the treasures I found during those times.
Praying for the Lord to give you wisdom and GREAT peace for the days ahead.
No matter what, you are a treasure to us all.
Praying you through this season~
Dear sweet friend,
I hear your heart loud and clear…and so does He.
You know He reads the thoughts of your heart even before you speak them.
Listen for Him, watch for the easy, light yoke that seems to be the perfect fit. Remember is burden is light and His yoke is easy.
He will reveal to you what His desire is for you.
I am here, walking alongside you…caring for your heart. You are a precious gift to me and I am thankful to walk this journey with you.
Let Him put the burden on you to write and then write His heart…wherever He leads. He will take care of all the details.
What Papa keeps saying to me is, “Love me with all your heart, love yourself so that you can love others and everything will fall into place.”
Love you friend!
Julie
I am praying for you sweetie.
Praying you will clearly hear God speaking to you.
Thank you, thank you, thank you! I’ve been contemplating similar things about my own blog. Thank you!
Praying for you and with you. This is not an easy thing, to be sure! I so appreciate your honesty and desire to unquestionably place the Lord first, to hear His voice and His desires for your life. There is so much good in this blogging community, yet I too have questioned at times if I allow it to have too much significance in my life.
We love you and trust that God will guide your future steps as you’ve asked Him to.
Like many times before, I’m humbled and challenged by your example, sweet one…
Tracy