I fail to meet my daily expectations, do you? I can give grace to everyone, except myself. I have high standards and I’m a perfectionist by nature. Everyday I want to accomplish my to-do list, speak only edifying words, serve my family and others without resentment, and love without fear. Well, that doesn’t ever happen because I’m not perfect. I fail everyday.
I’m reading a book about strongholds and I recently had to answer this question at the end of a chapter.
During the next several days, make a list over which you “beat yourself” up.
I didn’t wait to answer, instead I reflected on the past few days.
Here’s my list. I beat myself up for:
- Not accomplishing enough
- Not exercising
- Not doing what is most important
- Not showing enough interest in my husband or children
- Not enjoying my dogs (I feel guilty I’m not a dog lover. I’m a bird watcher. )
- Not writing when I have a deadline
- Not eating healthy
- Not cooking for my family
- Eating too much sugar
- Not being affectionate
I could’ve wrote more, but I ran out of room on the page. This list came out of me like a volcano under pressure. It blew me away. What would your list look like?
It’s sad to admit I beat myself up. No one has told me I need to be perfect, but for some reason I think since I know right from wrong, healthy from unhealthy that I should do the right thing. Buck up, wear your big girl pants and just do what is right. No excuses, Tiffany.
And it’s wrong to think like this. It’s not living in freedom. It’s a prison I find myself in day after day. And yet I have the key to freedom: Accepting God’s grace.
Since I wrote this list, I’ve made a conscience effort to live in grace and trust that I did whatever God had planned for me–no more, no less. It’s not easy. And it feels odd to be okay with myself: my sins, my failures and even my accomplishments.
I know that God doesn’t want my perfection or my good works. He wants relationship with me–just as I am. So why do I set my standards higher than God’s?
I relate to what you are saying in so many ways. I beat myself up all the time. Thanks for the reminder of God’s grace. I needed to hear that today. I really needed that today – it’s been a beat-up day. Thanks.
Wow. What a great post and insightful experience. I remember the first time I was confronted with the stronghold of perfectionism in my life. That day I confessed to God that I had a major sin struggle with perfectionism and admitted to Him that I knew the only One perfect was HIM. But then started a long journey of learning to live in grace. Sometimes I succeed and sometimes I beat myself up again. And guess what? I’m learning to give myself grace for not always living in grace, LOL!!
Father, bless sweet Tiffany. Convince her (and me!) of the completeness of your love that never falters whether or not we’re getting it right. Help us to continue the journey of learning to walk in grace, receiving it for ourselves and extending it to others.
You know, I just wrote a novel that dealt a lot with perfectionism and the self-condemnation that comes with it. I’m praying someone will publish it. I know so many women who struggle as I have in the past and still sometimes do.
My youngest started school full time this year. For some reason, I thought that now my life would “open up” and I would have all these opportunities to pursue new things and to accomplish so much more during the day. Well, I have not found that to be the case, and I find myself “beating myself up” all the time about how I spent my day. “What did I do today?”, I ask.
I am trying to learn the same thing, Tiffany. I’m trying to go to the Lord in the morning and ask Him what HE would have me do that day – and be satisfied with what He leads me to do – no more, no less. I think most days I still beat myself up. But, I do have those rare days of victory, and am praying they spur me on to want more. Thanks for the post.
Tiffany! This is a beautiful blog! Thanks for visiting Light for the Writer’s Soul so I could find my way back to you. Much beauty and truth here. I so appreciated the post. Will be back soon.
hugs,
Vicki
http://victoriagaines.com
http://windowstomysoul.blogspot.com
I’m going to write a similar list and offer it up to God. The enemy beats us up enough, we don’t need to help out. Good words, Tiffany.
Tiffany:
I got to your blog from one of your comments on Lori’s blog. This is a beautiful blog and I really enjoy reading your thoughts.
I can relate to what you’ve written about here; thanks for the reminder.
Tracy
I am with ya – everyday I can point to something in my life – that I wish I had done differently.
My list could be quite long too – but ya know, you are SOOO right – this is NOT God’s heart for us – it is ALL about relationship with Him – and living out of the deep knowing that HE is just CRAZY about us – JUST as we are!!! Just cuz we are HIS KIDS!!
Great post Tiff!