One of my greatest pleasures is to serve someone in need or even a friend, just because. But most of the time when I offer to help, I am denied the opportunity to give of my time or talents. It’s so frustrating. It hurts actually.
I have the gift of mercy, so for me, I like to serve someone who is hurting physically, emotionally or spiritually. I love helping a friend decorate, paint or plant flowers. I enjoy organizing or cleaning for someone who has just had a baby or recent surgery. I enjoy reaching out to someone who is suffering through visiting, calling, sending a card, or emailing. Now ask me to bring a homecooked meal to them and I will feel stress and anxiety. I am not a good cook. I’m known to bring a take-and-bake pizza, no problem.
Why is it we are all so self-sufficient? Why is it so hard for us to accept help, yet we can give it easily? I know what it is for me, it’s my pride. I don’t want to burden anyone. I want to appear all together. But what if saying no to someone who offers help is actually robbing them of deep satisfaction or even joy? What if God wants to use them to bless you?
For some reason I feel the need to “pay” my neighbors if they help me build a railing or watch my dogs. That’s even after they demand I do NOT pay them. Here’s what I do. I wait a week or so after they’ve helped me and then I send my daughter(I know I am using my child) over to deliver a card and of course, a gift card. I can’t just accept their act of goodwill. I have to pay them somehow. Why?
Lately I’ve been upset over the fact that no one wants my help when I ask. Everyone seems busy, yet overwhelmed. I’m trying to fill a need. Or so I think anyway. And yet I am no different. I often say, “No, I’m good” when someone offers to help me. The truth is sometimes I desperately need a friend or a helping hand.
I wonder how many God appointments we miss by saying no. I’m thinking God might want us to humble ourselves and accept the service of others as His provision for our needs. God uses people!
I am know that I am guilty of just this self sufficient-ness you are speaking of.
Thanks for putting a new spin on what it might mean by turning away help. I will certainly think twice before answering when someone offers some help next time!
Pride makes us self-sufficient! I sure wish you were my friend, I would welcome your help in the women’s ministry at my church. God will direct your path of service, He faithfully sees your willing heart. LF
This is a great post. I also agree that people say ‘no’ when help might really be needed…but I also agree that I say ‘I’m good’ when I could use some help myself. I guess it’s human nature, but the pride is definitely something we need to be aware of and battle against!
Tiffany, I’ve been reading and trying to catch up on your previous posts… I’m overwhelmed! You’re a wonderful writer and express things so well. I could comment on every single post because of the way they all connect with my heart and mind.
As for self-sufficiency, I’ve also been thinking about it, and lately I’ve been trying to consciously say “yes” when someone offers something, even if I feel I don’t need it. I realize we all need to be needed. It feeds our soul when we help someone. So why not give others the opportunity to do just that? Even when I go to someone’s house, and they say, “Can I get you anything? Coffee, tea, water?” I have to avoid the knee-jerk reaction of “No thanks, I’m fine.” Instead I’ll say, “That sounds lovely” and allow them to serve me.
It’s so strange that we struggle with allowing people to help us… just as much as we struggle to get beyond ourselves and reach out to help others.
Bless you for trying to help anyway!
I remember in college back in the 1980’s what a very dear friend said to me. She was scolding me for not allowing other people to help me. She had observed that I was always self-suffient and NEVER asked for help. I had just said that I was fine and didn’t need help. She stated that she wanted to help. I still said no.
She said that it was no problem really. I said no really. She said that I was being SELFISH! Why wouldn’t I allow someone else to help carry the burden. Who was I to take this feeling of good away from her.
As the oldest child, the oldest granchild, the good at everything put in my way–AND I AM SELFISH?!
I was the Golden child.
Strong lesson.