In my silence (away from my blog), I’ve had a lot of time to think about about life and its complexities. And sometimes I just want to fly away because life is too much for a bird like me. I’m an over-thinker. I think and think and think some more. I’m often busy (in my head) thinking about everything from:
* the suffering I see and hear about. Injustice. Murder. Starvation. Trafficking. The sexual talk I hear as I switch radio stations in my car. The ads I see on YouTube. The politic agendas and the struggle between parties. Homeless people holding signs. Kids being abused by trusted family members. Drugs in schools. Diseases. Natural disasters. The list continues.
* the people I love, near and far.
* my past wounds and the healing power of forgiveness. My freedom from shame. Daily reasons to dance.
* simple joys. Scented candles. Clean sheets. Taking pictures of fall leaves. Snuggling under a soft blanket. A warm cup of coffee. Sunshine on my skin.
* my friendships, old and new. I have no idea how to maintain them because I’m too flaky and introverted. When I’m with people I love them and have a great time. But when I’m alone, I feel at peace in my own little world.
*the passing of time. Watching the fashions recycle. Watching technology advance. Watching my kids develop their own convictions and personalities.
* the brevity of this life. Memorial services have no age limit.
* what to make for dinner since I’m a challenged cook at best.
* goals and dreams. What should I do when my daughter moves out? Should I prepare now for a full-time job? I always dream of ways to help hurting people, thanks to my gift of mercy. How I can best use what I have to touch lives? Through writing. Through hands on service. What?
* beauty. I’m on the lookout for beauty all the time. I must focus on the good in life. Spending too much time on the bad will bring me down. I must look up.
* God’s love. I’ve got to land my thoughts there. Every day, I must remain in love. Love ultimately sustains me. It’s the reason I live. For without love, I am nothing.
This list is just a glimpse. There’s much more. So you see, life is baffling, layered with high and lows for this over-thinker. Should I laugh or cry or both? Should I live or die? Who should I invest my time with? What needs to be done? Who can I trust? Where are the passionate people I can collaborate with for a bigger purpose?
I wonder how many people feel alone in their thinking or over-thinking. I know I do. I wonder how many people are ready to take flight and disappear. And then I wonder who really gets me. Where do I fit in? But then I remember I don’t want to fit in. As much as I want to be liked, I want to stand out more. I want to live differently. I want to stretch out my feathers and soar. I want others to feel seen and heard, if it’s up to me. I want to validate others by telling them about their secure value according to God. I don’t want to judge. I want people to feel loved. And I hope through my love, they want to know my best friend, Jesus.
For one day, this over-thinker will fly away and be forever free!
Until then, I hope to always spread my wings and share the good news.
YOU ARE LOVED by the creator of heaven and earth!
Let that truth give you wings today.
(Yes, this post is all over the map, but I feel lead to leave it just so. So there. Smile!!)
