The Truth Behind My Busy

One of my biggest pet peeves is the talk of busyness.

Why are we so busy? Don’t we have a choice of being busy or not? Or are we all victims of our fast-paced culture saying “yes” to every invitation we get?

What does being busy actually equal anyway?

You do the math.

Your busy + my busy = ________.

What did you come up with? “Twice busy”? A beautiful life? What?

“The thief comes only to steal and kill and destroy;

I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full.”

Jesus – John 10:10

Does our busy bring us life to the full as promised in John 10:10? Does busy create that fullness we long for? Or is our busy the clever tactic of the enemy to steal, kill and destroy us one good activity at a time?

I’m tired of hearing, “I know you’re busy, so I didn’t want to bother you.” Really? Do I give off the impression of being too busy? Probably. But the truth is I am not THAT busy.

I wake up almost every day with NO clear agenda. I wing it. I’m often alone so I find activities to fill my days. I can’t just sit and watch TV all day. To do nothing is not me. And since we’re still remodeling our house, I have plenty to do, but I don’t have to paint a room or organize a closet. Actually I’m burned out now, so lately I don’t do. 🙂 But I’d love to be done with this project, so every day I feel the internal pressure of wanting order instead of chaos and clutter.

I may not be physically busy every day, but I’m a busy mind personality. I’m a thinker.  I’m often alone and lost in thought listening to something positive: online sermons or educational videos or songs that keep me looking up. I carry my laptop room to room as I do whatever needs to be done. I don’t like an idle mind because for me that’s dangerous. I know the mindsets I’ve held dear and they are destructive. I must renew my mind or risk losing  it and I sure don’t want that. I already feel crazy enough. 🙂

So what’s behind my personal busyness?

I believe it’s my desire to stay hidden because it’s easier. For my heart’s protection. A makeshift covering of sorts, my hiding place.

To be with people means I have to expose the real me again and risk getting hurt. It’s fear. (Ya, I just wrote about fear yesterday) Fear of showing the world this messy middle-aged girl. The one who felt more confident 5 years ago. The one who’s adjusting to a change in life’s seasons. The one who questions and analyzes EVERYthing. The one who helps others easier than she helps herself. The one who freely offers others encouragement but struggles with discouragement. The one who sees life through a different lens, often using a camera. The one who loves Jesus and wants others to discover His great love. The one who grieves for wounded and forgotten ones. The distracted, undisciplined, creative, forgetful one.. Yep, that girl.

She’s hiding under the ugly four letter word: BUSY.

Currently I’m listening to several books because I love, love, love learning about topics that I care about. One thing I love learning about is humanity and what makes us do what we do. The book Quiet -the Power of Introverts in a World That Can’t Stop Talking by Susan Cain  made me see I am more introvert than I realized. No wonder I often say “I could be a monk.” Haha. I love solitude and reflection and deep thought. Hate small talk. Often listen more than I speak and often prefer sharing in writing (even though I come alive when I speak to groups). I’m energized by my alone time versus being social. Actually I grow weary being with people too much even though I care deeply about them. Being an introvert makes me a better writer, but it also creates distance between me and those I love.

So I am asking God for courage to come out from my “pretend I’m busier than I am” shell and live authentically among others. It won’t be easy because I’m comfy cozy over here. Yet among my comfy are a few splinters. And they hurt. I need help removing them.

And that’s where you come in.  Maybe we can help each other?  But this idea won’t be possible if we remain overly busy. Right?

So it’s time we embrace a new word in our culture:

Available.

Anyone?

No, NOT available for every person, need or invitation to create even more busyness, BUT available for real one on one relationships again. Available for those we love in our home. Available for God-appointed interruptions in our workday. Available for naps. Available for listening, sharing, laughing, or even crying with a new friend. Available for play. Available to help a stranger. Available to hear God’s voice again.

Anyone available?