I’m reading Kay Warren’s book Dangerous Surrender. It’s incredible. Probably because she writes so honestly. She’s talking about how God grabbed a hold of her and changed her life after reading an article about AIDS in Africa. Mind if I share two paragraphs from her chapter, The Kingdom of Me:
Not only do I seek complete control of everything around me, but my greatest and deepest love is reserved for me. I am desperately in love with myself. If I am completely honest, I have to admit that there are many times when I want the world to revolve around me–my comfort, my pleasure, my convenience. I desire that others see and interpret everything through my eyes, make me happy, meet my needs, and refrain from offending me, hurting me, wounded me, upsetting me, or irritating me. I want to be understood, appreciated, acknowledged, elevated, praised, valued, attending to, catered to, respected, admired, accommodated, listened to, loved, adored, and cherished.
My greatest efforts everyday go towards myself. Even when I’m occupied with taking care of others, the meter is always running as I inwardly take notice of the hours I’ve spent, the energy I’ve expended, and the sacrifices I’ve made. I find myself gleeful when I am able to kill two birds(or more)with one stone by doing something for someone else(making myself look good) while doing something for me at the same time. At the end of the day, I do a final tally to see if others have done as much for me as I’ve done for them. If they haven’t, then I am hurt, disappointed, frustrated, offended, demanding and angry. Sometimes I withdraw from relationships because according to my internal calculator, I’m giving more than I’m getting back.
Others-centered? Not often. Surrender control to someone else? Not a chance.
Need I say more?
Thank you, Tiffany, for sharing the quote. Sobering. Helpful. I’m loving your blogging…Gloria