This weekend, Derek and I attended an eye-opening marriage conference called Love and Respect. Now I understand why Derek responds to me the way he does, and that his response is never meant to hurt me. I clearly see the differences between men and women. Neither one of us is wrong; we’re just different. God designed us that way.
As Dr. Emerson Eggerichs spoke, I realized something profound.
I respect my husband based on his performance.
If he acts and responds according to my standards, I respect him. If not, I make sure he knows it. What a pathetic way to live life in marriage.
Ephesians 5:33 tells men to love their wives and women to respect their husbands.
I’m convicted of my disrespectful behavior. I’m sick of my petty games to win Derek’s love and attention. I’m thankful God doesn’t act this way towards me. He never uses manipulation to get me to respond. He loves me unconditionally. He accepts me, keeping no record of my wrongs.
The closer I grow to God, the more I realize how far I have to go. God uses my experiences and circumstances to keep me humble.
I hope to have praise report to share soon, as I attempt to show unconditional respect to my husband. I’m leaning on the Lord for strength. Derek doesn’t deserve being caught in my performance trap. It’s time to let him run free.
Tiffany, my wife admitted to me not long ago that my performance, or lack of it, influenced her respect, or lack of it, for me. This has done two things in our lives: I try to be more responsive to her needs and concerns, and she readily forgives some of my carelessness. I try to avoid being self-absorbed; she tries to avoid being judgmental. You have found one key to help build healthier marriages!