Perfectionism Isn’t All That

Why am I free from perfectionism one minute and then chained to it the next?

Some days I feel like a child, stringing words together like popcorn garland. Enjoying the creative process. Losing track of time. Watching pieces take on new shape and meaning. And then hanging them for all to see.

Other days I can’t find a single word, like when I’m looking for that one missing receipt. (I’m telling you my purse is a black hole that swallows receipts whole) After searching and searching and finding nothing, I give up and eat chocolate and think, I’ll start fresh and write tomorrow.

This morning at my writer’s group I confessed my struggle for freedom from having to be perfect. My desire for perfection killed my creativity. So last week and this week, I wrote few words.

Why is my best never good enough?

Who set this impossible standard anyway?

Did I?

You would think I would’ve beat this enemy by now, but I haven’t. It’s my newest battle. Isn’t it always something in our lives, whether we have one big issue or twenty small ones?

But God is faithful to work on our hearts.

Now is my time to look again at this thief that robs me of using my gift: Perfection.

Even though I know God doesn’t expect or demand my perfection, I DO. My ideal standard trumps God’s. It’s like I’m tell God whenever I do or don’t do something, “Not good enough. Final answer. ”

What if God thought it was good enough? What if my blog post or that photo is just right in His eyes? Would I share it anyway? Do I have the courage to ask Him and then obey?

I don’t know. But what I do know is  I’ve become my own god–again.

I call the shots. I approve or disapprove my every move. I analysis and criticize my work. I decide if something is worthy or trash, and I respond accordingly. Hmm, that’s a little off, don’t you think?

Sure, I worship God of the Bible,  Jesus, my savior. But I’m in there trying to rule and reign. Control and perfectionism are quite a powerful force when paired together.

Why do I insist on keeping up with a professional appearance? Why do I have to be a pro while I’m still learning?

Why is my pride bigger than life sometimes?

What happened to my trust? or surrender?

What happened to my heart of love for others? Or my deep love for God, so deep, I’m compelled to do whatever He asks, whether it’s rest, work or play?

Since when did God step down from His throne and make me, Lord and King of my life?

I need to get over me and measure myself on a new scale, one that only God measures. And in His eyes, I am just right. Created as imperfect, on purpose. But well equipped to live out His life inside me.

If I am imperfect, then I have great need and I can worship a Perfect God.

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I’m posting this (as is) because it’s good enough. Yep, even with some passive voice…Because God says so.:)

PS Please know I’m writing with a sense of hope and expectancy, NOT doom and gloom. I’m really okay. So NO need to panic. Sometimes when I write honest my friends and family worry about me. 🙂 Please I know that I know I’m loved and cherished by God. I’m just grappling with the topic of me “being my own god”…Plus I’ve gotta keep it real.

QUESTIONS to consider: Do you find yourself trying to be King? Are you okay with your less than perfect? Is your best good enough? (Please jump in and share in the comments. No registration required. I value your thoughts.)