This morning I woke up to the sounds of my fifteen year old getting ready for his first day as a sophomore in high school. His eyes sparkled. We talked briefly about who might be in his classes and what his teachers might be like. As I drove him to my friend’s house(his carpool stop) and watched him walk away, I teared up.
I love that boy of mine. Letting go is hard. I see such childlike sweetness in him and yet I see a man developing right before my eyes. Five feet, ten inches. As much as I want to equip and release him into his future, I grieve. I have to let him go a little more and give him more opportunities to succeed and fail. The start of a new school year means the start of routine and a busier schedule again. Less time together, more driving, and that dreaded homework. I’m feeling a bit hesitant, which surprises me because I did not expect to be emotional. I’ve done this for years now. My mommy heart strings are being tugged. Love hurts.
Today, Hannah and I are off to spend some quality time as mom and daughter. Today is our last full day together. She starts school on Thursday. Since I have commitments the next two days, we’re off to get Hannah’s first manicure and pedicure. She’s excited. As I look at Hannah, I also see a young woman emerging.
Letting go is hard.
Lord, may I use my time wisely. Help me focus on what matters most. People. My children. My husband. Your love. Fill my empty mom heart with more of You. Remind me I am never truly alone even though it may feel like it. You are always near, You never leave me. Not ever. What comfort to know I never have to let You go. Not ever. Thank you, Jesus.
Tiffany,
My son begins his junior year on Monday. He is home schooled, but has been participating in the public school football team since Spring. He stands 6’4″ and is now driving himself to practice (just got his license 2 1/2 months ago when he turned 16!)
When the car pulls out, I watch him go, until the car is out of my sight…and there are days I can tear up too. No specific reason, maybe I just miss him when he’s not around to kid with me or I miss his laugh or smile or those beautiful blue eyes.
I praise the Lord, though, for this boy, who is walking with Him. And I entrust Joshua into His hands…there is no better place for him…and there are no better Hands!
Loved your post … God bless you!
You mean your 15 year old son went to school withOUT complaining?!? That’s a praise right there! There is nothing more rewarding, more encouraging, more exciting – than knowing your child is growing in the Lord – thanks for sharing….
Ahhh Tiffany, it does hurt.
This I know. I’m so blessed you realize how precious these days are and use them so lovingly.
Hope you and Hannah had a great day today, how special!!
(Did you take pictures?)
Blessings my sweet friend♥
So true, dear one. You are wise to savor them. The older they grow, the faster time seems to pass. I have often prayed that same prayer…that God would help me make the most of the time left with my boy…or more accurately…my young man. He’s now 19.
Hope you and Hannah had an awesome day together. What a sweet memory this will be. = )
Hugs,
Tracy
I know its hard. Hugs dear friend.
You are a great mom! Making memories with your kids and sharing your love with them… My kids are behind yours K and 3 (and I home school) but I can see the process of letting go even beginning earlier as they master the milestones along the way. I guess each victory they gain requires a little letting go on our part until the day they step into full independence. A hard day, but a day that says we finished a task. Of course our jobs as mothers is NEVER over – once a mom, always a mom! Thanks for your inspiration to be the best we can be…
Beautifully written
Tiffany:
Recently I posted about “letting go” as it pertains to sending my son back to college. Last year was horrible. The most difficult pain I’ve known as a mother. This year? Better. In honor of all parents who are experiencing the pangs and angst of “letting go” (whether children are older or younger), I wrote the piece. The response was overwhelming, both in comments and emails.
I’m reminded, again, that our prayers on behalf of the brethren matter much. God keep you close as you walk through each and every season with your children, especially the ones that tug hard on your heart. I’m thinking of you alongside so many.
peace~elaine
Oh boy, this is the same struggle of mine pretty much all the time. I will follow your example and pray more about it.
It seems I always get so busy with what is not important. My son is having a birthday next week. Next week. Even though he is seven now, I am starting to feel distant from him. And I don’t like it. Its hard to let go and give them their independence. Even at this age. I tell you he will always be my baby though!