Here I am. Holding nothing, standing before my God begging for His presence. I’ve entered into a battle zone. An identity crisis of sorts.
Who I am?
I don’t really know anymore.
This year has started off with a change in direction for me. I’ve had to have some difficult conversations. I’ve had to pull out of a good thing I’ve been a part of for years. It’s strange to think God gave me a dream and then one day just took it away. But I believe He did just that.
The past couple days I’ve had to surrender that dream I once held dear. The dream no longer feels like my dream. It’s for someone else. I’m at peace with that. The hard part is not knowing what my future holds. I see nothing ahead. I am empty handed and in many ways brokenhearted. I’ve hurt people. And I hate to hurt people.
But in a weird way, I am okay. Sad, yes, but okay because I believe God has something else in store for my 2009. Something even better. Sure, I don’t know my way. I feel blind. My identity no longer carries a label. I am just me. Nothing more.
Who I am?
I am HIS and HE is mine.
This is right where I am supposed to be today. Without a doubt, I am resting and cradled in the center of His hand.
Hold me close, Lord. Wipe my tears. Carry my burdens. You are all I need. I live for You and You alone.
aww, blessed heart… I don’t know what it is that is heavy on your heart, but the way you’ve described… I’ve felt before.
peace and prayers for you, as you cling to Him knowing that your identity is in Him.
~Deanna
I hope you are ok,I’ll be praying for you.
We don’t always understand the ways of God but we can be sure that the blessing is just on the other side.
love,
Tammy
I’m sorry Sweetheart. Those times are never easy. You are right, though. Your identity is in Him and He will see you through. You have much to offer. God’s not through with you yet. I pray He comforts you during this time and assures you of your identity in Him.
Take care my dear friend. I will be praying for you.
I am amazed at how our journeys continue to parallel.
Where you are this year is where I found myself in the summer of last year… I wasn’t where I thought I would be. I wasn’t where I thought Papa was taking me. I wasn’t out of the wilderness, like I thought I was going to be.
In the book “Hinds Feet On High Places” Much Afraid rounds the bend to discover that instead of going up towards the High Places, she is headed down towards the Valley. I understood that all too well…
Yet, now, after being in the Valley, I see the fruit of what He has planted in the fertile soil of this season. It’s worth it all so worth it all.
I am at rest…just being with Him. It’s enough….
Nothing that I had wanted for myself last year compares to this treasure….
I cannot wait to walk with you and see what Papa has for you.
Love ya,
Julie
Tiffany, this is what came to mind as I read your post. Abraham’s faith was tested when he was asked to surrender his dream, his son Isaac. He took him up the mountain, he laid him on the altar, he raised the knife; his heart was probably jumping out of his chest I’m sure, but he obeyed. And then, just before he put to death his dream, God provided the sacrifical ram to be offered instead.
You know and have truthfully said, it’s all His. You stand before Him today with your palms raised up and not with clenched fists. You are willing to relinquish your dream. It’s okay to ask why, to ask what would you have me to do when you are in that position.
And if His response is, “I want you to sit here awhile with me, my daughter. I have some intimate teachings I want to convey to you”, you are standing poised, ready to place your hand into His as He lifts you on His lap. And at that very moment, when you are all snuggled up on Your Daddy’s lap, look Him right into His eyes and ask, “Daddy, who do You say that I am?” Then press in and listen closely to His heart and He will tell you, You are my beloved.
I’m praying for you.
I think it's easy to find ourselves in that position Tiffany. We tie our identity in things we're doing, places we go, things we have. When any of those are taken away we feel our identity is lost. The wonderful thing is when we have our revelation that God is who we need to focus on and our identity is in & with HIM. All that other stuff doesn't matter. Praise the LORD.
I understand.
You will find Him faithful.
To my sweet Tiffany,
Please know I’ll be covering you in prayer.
I’ve often found that my set-backs, (well the way I viewed them at the time), became the greatest “set-ups” for the victories in my life.
The death of a dream many times prepares us for greater things ahead.
I love the fact that you are willing to “surrender”…
Oh, what a heart God can use for HIS GLORY!!
I can hardly wait to see what God has planned.
One day at a time♥
PS Just read your twitter.
Oh boy, I think your time with God is going to be VERY special.
So happy for you!!
tiffany,
I pray that God will speak to you in profound ways in the days ahead, and you will find fullness of joy in His Presence.
Praying for you! I am sure you will have a wonderful retreat. (will you be posting your skits?)
lol (lots of love~i changed it!)
Kathy
Precious, anytime He calls you out it is for a greater task. You are a beloved WOW…woman of the Word. And a mother, that in itself is pretty darn special. Our father is a jealous God and He enjoys your time of quiet and praise with him right now. He will talk with you and show you of things to come. You are a talented writer and He knows. He is going to show you something special in all of this.
I love you, and so do a lot of others.
Hang tight, we are excited for you as sisters in Christ as to what Jesus is going to do.
Love,
Paulette