Thought I’d ask my blogging friends a question. First, let me paint the picture.
One of my biggest challenges is trying to figure out how to be a good friend to all my friends. Recently a dear friend emailed me about our friendship. It was a sweet but hard read. I instantly emailed my novella back. Hopefully done in love and humility. No response yet. It’s been days.
As the years go by, I continue to meet more friends. Friends at writers conferences. Friends at women’s events. Friends at my kids’ school activities. Friends at church. Neighbor friends-past and present. Friends online. Ect. And I am beyond thankful. Friends are a source of great joy for me.
I love meeting new women to connect heart to heart with. It feeds my soul. I have a deep love for people almost instantly. So naturally I want to give them my all. Especially if they are hurting inside. I want to give them all of my time. My ears. My encouragement. Whatever will bless them and let them know they matter. I want all people to know they have value. To me and more importantly to God.
The stinger is I can’t juggle this well. My desire to be a faithful friend falls flat. Sometimes new friends take priority over lifelong ones. Hurting ones are a priority to me. Sometimes my desire to have solitude puts me first. Sometimes I lack energy to call someone after being social. Sometimes my writing career makes for no time. Sometimes I make time for whoever I talk to first, which pushes out others.
I often tell my husband, “I want my life to look like what I value. If I say I value people, well then, it should show in my commitments. If it doesn’t, well then, maybe it’s not really a value. Or maybe something else is more valuable.” Like my job, my quiet time, my family, or my kids activities.
Okay, I think you get my point.
I can’t be all things to all people. I would love to be the best of friends to everyone, but I can’t. So how on earth do I show my friends I care when I can’t always be there for them?
I’m one of those people, once I’m your friend, I’ll always be your friend. And if time happens to pass that doesn’t mean I stopped caring, I will always care. I just don’t know how to balance and show it with my current lifestyle.
Thoughts?
I’m wondering if this is my people pleasing problem again. Hope not. But then again, if it is, I want a way out.
I think the hardest part is I have such a compassionate heart.
Tiffany, I so get your post… I feel like I could have written much of it… I think our hearts are on the same page…
Tiffany,
As one of your oldest and closest friends I feel that I must say that your heart truly does show through. Even though we live 2000miles apart it is always as if we were never parted. You are very genuine and kind. I know the struggles of wanting to be everything to all people. I think that it is your WANT to be those things that people love and value about you, not expect from you.
Love, Pamela
(ps–Yes, I actually posted….)
You are one of the sweetest people I know Tiffany. Not sure where I belong in your circle of friends. I haven’t seen anyone in over a year, my fault, time gets away when you are trying to write full time and serve your loved ones. I have pulled away from a lot and don’t know how to come back. If I’ve caused any pain, I am so sorry.
I’ve become very distrustful of people and I know I need to trust Jesus more in this area. The rejection I feel is real and painful. I am especially sensitive when I see others get hurt. It reminds me of High School stuff.
The few relationships I have are deep. I am a peaceful person and yes, a people pleaser. I think perhaps most women are. We need to accept our friends where they are and not worry about whether we offend them or not. I think the best friendships I have are ones where I can relax and just be myself. Like your anonymous friend wrote to you.
My friend called me today as I struggle with loneliness and fear of the unknown. Joan has always called me when God prompts her. I do the same for her. We have known each other for over thirty years.
Age doesn’t matter, she is like my big sister.
Have a Blessed Easter
Love, Paulette
I can identify totally with your post. I get so wrapped up in the tryanny of the urgent. I am involved in so many people’s lives right now that I don’t have/don’t make the time to pick up the phone or visit some of my friends.
There are friends in my life that I’ve had for so long…upwards of 30 plus years. We don’t see each other often, but when we do, we just pick up right where we stopped the last time. They are what I call the ‘middle of the night’ friends. If I had an emergency in the middle of the night, I know I could call anyone of these friends. One thing that makes them so special is they’ve seen me ‘warts and all’ and have loved me through it all.
Cultivating new friendships takes time. Just like cultivating a field and preparing it for planting season. It takes a lot of work and sacrifice – something that’s not always easy to do when your plate is already full.
Your post has prompted me to commit to do something. Each morning I am going to pray specifically for a friend or two and I’m going to ask the Lord to show me the best way to reconnect with that friend(s). Often, all it takes is just 10 minutes to pick up the phone and make a call.
Thanks for your thought provoking post.
Thank you ladies for taking the time to comment to this post. I always read your words. I just haven’t gotten into the habit of commenting regularly here.
Pam,
I appreciate knowing you are reading my heartfelt words. I can be a rambler here. Guess all the years I kept silent has its consquences. Being shy as a child. I love to express my heart. Always ached inside to talk but thought I wasn’t worthy of being heard…
You are my true lifelong friend. I thank God for you.