(This is day 15 of my 31 day blog series: Live Free. )
Fifteen days into this 31 day series and I sense huge changes in my heart. For one, I see so many lies I’ve believed. Oh my goodness. And I see how I’ve been deeply affected by perfectionism, fear and people pleasing. I see what really matters to me like wonder and learning. And here we are today, on day fifteen, talking about failure. Gulp.
I don’t know where this issue started for me, but for some reason, I’m not okay with my own failures. You can fail and I’ll give you grace in a heartbeat. I’ll encourage you to get back up and try again. But for me, nope, I’m not that nice to myself. When I fail, I feel like I Am A Failure. It’s shame-based thinking and it’s not true.
I can remember being in elementary school and hating gym class for two reasons. One, because I was one of the last ones picked when we broke off into teams. I felt like a leftover. Two, I felt a false sense of responsibility if I missed the ball and our team lost, like it was ALL my fault. Who can stand under that kind of pressure? No one. For some reason I gave myself the weight of responsibility for whether the team won or lost. Really? Yep. Crazy I know.
Even today, I wrestle with failure. I can easily see things I suck at, like administration stuff. I often hear myself thinking, “I’m a failure.” But again is this truth? No. It’s a lie I am choosing to believe and it’s gotta go.
The truth is I am NOT a failure, but I will continue to fail.
Because failure is part of life.
So to live free, I must learn to embrace the idea of trying and sometimes failing. Instead of feeling like I AM a failure. I need to rethink this whole issue and say, “I failed, so what can I learn from this?” It’s that whole idea behind the book Failing Forward by by John C Maxwell, which I own and love. And yes, I probably need to reread this book. 🙂
Even if I consider all the failures of God’s people in Bible, I can see that failure is normal. So am I not normal? Am I the exception to the everyone-fails-rule? No.
To not fail in life is not to live at all. And who wants a lifeless life? Not me.
So I’m testing new waters lately. Behind the scenes I’m preparing for the next season of my life. I’m creating a new website. Writing content. Brainstorming. Taking a course and more. I’m excited because I really sense this next chapter of my life is actually me being the MOST me I can be.
It’s me listening to God and saying, “Okay, I will try this. I’m scared to death. I’m afraid of being judged and not liked. I’m afraid to fail. So God, if I fail, which I know I will from time to time, please let me fall forward into your arms of grace. Because, God, I really have no choice anymore. It’s either live or die. And I’m so tired of feeling dead. I’m ready to live again. And I finally believe I have something valuable to offer this world. Because I have the gifts YOU gave me.”
Isn’t that reason enough to try?
Q4U: Do you wrestle with failure? Please share in the comments here on my blog OR stop by my Facebook page.
(If you missed any of 31 days Live Free series, find them all listed here: 31 day blog series: Live Free. )
I wrestle with failure every day. Matter of fact, when something goes wrong on the home front, it’s my fault. Not really, but that’s what I think. Thank you for these truths that remind me that although I will fail, I am NOT a failure. Excited to hear more about the new thing God is doing in you!
I struggle with the same lie of being the cause of ALL failure here at home. I wonder why that is. I often think it’s because I’m home and if something goes wrong, I must’ve missed something or I didn’t plan, ect.
Barbie, I pray we both get better at listening to the truth about failure. We fail, yes, but we are not failures. Amen?