Today I spent all day at a speakers training class with a ministry here in Colorado Springs. Education for a Lifetime speakers go into local high schools and teach on life choices and abstinence. Their workshops have made a big impact on teens over the years. I went to find out more about what they do and possibly get involved.
During the first half of the class, we reviewed STD and teen pregnancy stats and their mission statement. Then we observed two seasoned speakers teach the first two lessons they normally would teach to teens. After lunch, the six volunteers–included me–took turns teaching the final six points from a script with a PowerPoint presentation.
I went first. Lucky me! I pulled lesson 3 from a pile of sticky notes. Something strange happened when I got up to talk, I was transported to my elementary days of giving presentations. Terror fell on me like bitter cold rain. I wanted to hide. I felt stupid.
To combat my nerves, I joked and admitted my fear. Then I jumped to the first paragraph. I tried to paraphrase the script in my own words but I couldn’t. My mind went blank every time. Does frost bite happen to the brain? Probably not. I ended up reading my prompt looking down at the podium(I hate doing that). My preference is to interact with an audience and give eye contact. As I went through the material, my anxiety continued. I fumbled with words and never felt comfortable. So I ended my teaching early, asking if I could stop and sat back down. Thoughts poured on me like quarter-size hail.
“Who do you think you are to teach? You can’t read out loud, remember? You mess up reading elementary books to your daughter. You’re the one who couldn’t comprehend what you read in school.”
“You’re never going to learn the script. You might as well quit now before you really make a fool of yourself.”
As the next five people took there turns, I felt the pelting continue.
“See, look at her. It’s not that hard. You’re making it hard.”
“Why did you have to explain yourself and apologize? You looked overly insecure and ridiculous. You narcissist!”
“You’re trying to do something you’re not gifted at. It’s always going to a struggle.”
“Now, there’s a natural. Why can’t you get up there and just relax like him?”
So today, I felt another storm. But here’s the big difference, I’m alert this time. On guard. With every lie I heard, I talked back to that dark voice and spoke life over my thoughts. As I drove home, I thought about how the enemy would just love to convince me to sit back and be quiet. He would love to make me to believe I’m unable and unqualified and unfit. Sure, I get nervous and would do better if I practiced first. And I probably was the weakest presenter of the day. But here’s the deal: I’ve spent enough time with Jesus with my journal, pen and Bible in hand to know that I am created to communicate with teens. Somehow, someway. Whether to one or many. God has spoken clearly about this to me time and time again. I believe God wants me–yes, me, a person who once struggled to read and talk–to write and speak, to be a voice. I come alive when I am speaking my passion.
I cannot give in to the mind games. I must trudge through this storm and pop up my umbrella of truth.
“When I am weak, He is strong.”
My choice in this storm?
*Walk forward in the face of fear and trust God to show up.
*Or cower and give up and let the enemy drowned out my voice.
My answer:
Bring on the rain!!
I’m trusting God.
You must be very dangerous to the kingdom of darkness for these assaults to come on you…
I am glad you are telling yourself the truth. In my opinion it’s hard to give a presentation of something someone else has written instead of what God has given to you to speak. I would have had a hard time with that too and I’m not one who is shy about speaking in front of people.
Your Papa God is delighted with you…. You are His treasure. He thinks you are amazing and so do I.
Hugs,
Julie
Yes, Tiffany, a thousand million times yes — keep on the path Jesus has has called you to walk. He can and will do it all through you…I’m excited to watch. I’ll benefit along with teens.
Tiffany, know the feeling, one thing that helps me is to speak out loud those scriptures that pertain to the problem. The Word of God and Jesus is all powerful in the spiritual realm.
I am praying for you.
Paulette 🙂
Wow, this blog gave me shivers. Great post, I wholeheartedly agree with you. I used to say my greatest enemy was myself, but I realize, these evil thoughts came from the devil. I actually bought a book, ‘Battlefield of the Mind’ just to ease the struggles of the mind. Good job inspiring me yet again to conquer the devil’s whisperings!
Hey there Tiffany,
Another great post! Are you sure we’re not related? tee hee
You know what I thought when I read this … 2 things really…
#1 YES! IF you were the least equipped speaker then I’ll guarantee you were the one most dependant upon Him because He always calls those who feel as if they are ill equipped for the job…I’ll just throw a name at ya for fun … Moses…remember him saying “I can’t speak well?”
#2 Always remember who stands accusing us trying to defeat us and remember Who stands clothing us in a beautiful white robe ready to do His will.
Teens are so close to my heart too and you have my utmost respect for getting out there and being active to help them. I’ll also remember you in my prayers.
May the Lord bless you and guide you.
Hey Tiffany,
Thanks for remembering us during our storm recently!!
Oh, how I could relate to all you experienced, way TOO many times.
I’m so blessed you continued to press on.
I love when you made this declaration:
“Walk forward in the face of fear and trust God to show up.”
AMEN!!!!!
Moses stammered. He was slow of speech. He wanted God to call his brother Aaron. But God said, no, I have called YOU. And God worked through this man full of doubts. I know our Father wants to do the same with you, my friend.
I’m not the only one!!! Ha. Paul was accused of being timid in person, (2 cor 11). He also stated he came before them w/ fear and trembling (my kneecaps shake sometimes!)
As above mentioned, Moses, we who when compared to the fluent feel inferior are in good company!
Thanks for sharing, Tiffany! I am sure that your offering fed someone if not more. There was a reason for all of it! God was doing something!
Blessings!
Kathy