Desperate Prayers

I’m back to my bold prayers. I don’t know about you but I go back and forth with my prayer life. I go through seasons with God. Sometimes all I can do is thank God for everything–for my sight, my hearing, my mobility, my family, my health, my home, my car, my pillow and blankie, my socks for my cold feet, my hot shower, and my cabinet full of food.

Other times I pray the needy prayer. I feel too weak to stand. I beg for mercy, for peace and for a place of safety. I ask for God to deliver me from my fears and anxiety. I ask for God to carry me. Hold and comfort me.

Sometimes I can’t pray at all.

Sometimes my prayers are all about others. I know many people with needs so I ask for physical healing or salvation or wisdom. Often times, their needs are so great and I feel so small, but I pray anyway believing prayer works. Whether or not God answers in their favor is the not the issue. The point is I believe He hears and answers…

And then there are the times when I am ready for God to move big–no matter what the cost. So I pray the prayer of a hungry heart.

Prayers like “God change me. Give me your eyes, your ears, your heart. Let me feel what you feel. Allow me to weep over the things that grieve your heart. Allow me to rejoice in the things that make you smile. Strip me of all the habits that hinder our intimacy. Break down the walls I’ve built to protect myself. Give me a hunger and thirst for you that can’t be quenched. Create a fire in my bones for truth. Draw me into your presence. Move mountains in order that I may know you and be known. “

I know God hears because lately my heart hurts more than normal for the needy. Those that are physically hurting. The lonely. The outcast. The prisoner. The single mom. The elderly. Those hurt by religion. I want to comfort all of them. I want to hug them and tell them someone cares and notices them. I want them to have hope. Hope to get them through the next day. The next hour in some cases. I know I can’t save the world. But maybe I can comfort one person.

God is faithful no matter what kind of prayers I pray. Thankfully, I have a fire again. One that blazes in the night. One that ignites my dreams again. One that gives me energy to write with passion. One that leans on faith and believes.