Last night while cleaning some of my papers off my dresser, I found these two notes that I wrote a few weeks ago. As usual I was wrestling with the writing process, trying to determine my place as a writer. My journey to publication or lack thereof. 🙂
You see I love words and I believe God wants me to use the ones He gives me.
I am a writer.
The question is how, when, where and to who?
For almost two years, I’ve chosen a different path than the previous five. During my early writing years, I followed the pattern set before me.
Start small. Submit something. Learn the craft. Be teachable. Develop thick skin. Join a critique group. Go to conferences. Subscribe the Writers Digest. Read books on writing. Learn from those who are where you want to be.
And during that time, my writing journey consisted of being published both in print and online sites. I found favor with editors. It was both exciting and challenging. But somewhere along the path, I quit. I stopped right when my career was building momentum. It’s like I sabotaged myself. I put a roadblock up. On purpose.
Why? Because my writing journey felt like a never-ending uphill climb. I just couldn’t keep crawling up and up. I needed a bench to take a break. I needed to get my heart back to God. I need to remember why I love to write.
That was two years ago.
Since then I’ve done a few small submissions, but nothing compared to the past fast track. I’m still moving forward but mighty slow. I’m almost too cautious. I’m even skeptical. Because words like “platform, marketing, site meters, Google followers, and e-mail subscribers” sound like nails scratching a chalkboard. I push back and say “nope, not going there.” That makes me feel like a sales person, trying to push my name and my words onto others. I don’t like it.
The truth is inside my heart there is a writing rebel. A girl who doesn’t want to work to earn a readership. A girl who withholds her greatest God revelations. Like I’m saving the best for last, or like I’m saving those stories for a rainy day.
And yet there’s also a girl who understands to be a writer I need to remember it’s a business. Nothing worth doing is ever easy.
Maybe I should take heed to the wisdom of others and follow a career path. Maybe I need to buck up and work hard, writing my deepest passions without reservation. Maybe I should stop resisting God and listen for a change. Because I know God wants me to use my words.
So here I am again, confessing I’m a mess. But what’s new? 🙂 This isn’t the first time I’ve written about being a mess.
Maybe you are a mess too. Maybe your issues are different or even the same. Maybe today you needed a little reassurance that you are not the only one wrestling with your words.
If so, here’s my revelation for today. I wrote this on Twitter and Facebook.
“If you write for others, you will miss the biggest joy: Writing for the King of kings.“
Somewhere in my thought process of being a writer, I forgot WHO I’m writing for. It’s not for my followers. It’s for God alone. Period.
And whatever you do, whether in word or deed, do it all in the name of the Lord Jesus, giving thanks to God the Father through him.
Colossians 3:17 (NIV)So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God.
1 Corinthians 10:31(NIV)
Father God, thank You for reminding me what matters most. It’s not my writing career. It’s You. May the words I write, whether for hire or on my blog, always be for Your glory. To lift YOUR name high, not mine. Grant me wisdom to see the path I should go on for 2011. Please help me let go of the rebel in me, that girl who wants to be different. That’s just plain pride. Yep, pride. Forgive me. Thank You for Your grace again today. I need it. I need You. My words are ultimately Yours. Take them and make them into whatever pleases You. I’m surrendering again to the writing journey. I’ll follow Your lead. I love You, Jesus. Amen
(PS for a great post or audio on blogging, visit Ann at A Holy Experience.)
I know the feeling, Tiffany. I've experienced it in blogging and in my songwriting/music. You're right though, it all comes back to the One who created us and for whom we are living and moving and having our being. That's an important daily reminder. Blessings to you!
All the talk of "building your blog" out there is like nails on a chalkboard to me as well. I mean I know that having readers is important to writing but I am just not into "selling" myself or my words. Something about it just doesn't set well with me. I guess it all goes back to why I write. Not everyone is drawn to what I write. At the beginning I worked really hard to try and gain "friends" through blogging. I visited and visited and visited. I left tons of comments… MANY of those I followed never once visited me. It took up too much time and energy for my heart. So I stopped.
It took me back to why I am writing in the first place.
I've written the least in this last year than ever before. I've waited for the words to stir up in my heart. I still don't have many who come to visit or leave comments but I have the fullness in my heart of knowing that I'm doing what my heart stirs me to do.
In the end…it's all that matters to me!
Enjoyed my visit here today!
I think many of us struggle with the whole "building a platform" thing. I think the balance is to remain authentic to yourself and to keep in mind that the message God places within your stewardship is a responsibility. If you really believe that you have a message that will bring hope and healing to others, then it's worth the DISCOMFORT of "marketing" in order to get that message out. (I'm smack dab in the middle of this myself.) At this point in my life I feel a desperation, a heavenly shove to SPEAK OUT FOR HIM because I know people are struggling in their faith and I believe God has helped me understand it's all about enduring faith, regardless of what terrible times come our way. So my balance is to "present the message" rather than "pushing me." And I know for myself when I am doing one rather than the other.
Tiffany, thank you so much for sharing these words! And your heart. I could have written it myself, so even though I hate that you're struggling, it does help to know I am not the only one!! I KNOW I am suppose to be writing the book I started, yet I have more stops than starts. We as writers, who want to honor and glorify Him, need to pray for each other every day. I will pray for you as you follow Him using the gift HE gave you. Blessings, Cate Tuten
How lovely,everything you wrote touched my heart.We never know out there,do we, how many people Jesus will speak to through our words?I am not a writer,I can't even spell or type with ease .I am 100% sure though that if I am open to be used of God,He will use me not because He needs my help but because I need to be used by Him.
Your words always touch me so deeply – and this is just one more example.
Prayers that your amazing gift with words continues to always center on God and that you feel at peace with where you are lead.
Oh Amen! I hear you. I've been there a few times and now have slowed down but not shut off. I hope you have found your balance.
Oh Tiff, I LOVED this post. So much of what you shared I could understand COMPLETELY.
Stop overthinking things. You are GOd's girl, that's very clear. Stop thinking of ways things won't work and start working on what's on your heart.
He put that 'something' you want to write about there. Remember?
This has been your 'Selah' time. You've paused long enough. Get to writing my beautiful friend…you and God have work to do. xox
Love the revelation you shared about keeping one's focus on writing for the King.
I love the last verse of the old hymn, "The Love of God." For some reason it's what came to mind as I read your post.
"Could we with ink the ocean fill,
And were the skies of parchment made,
Were every stalk on earth a quill,
And every man a scribe by trade;
To write the love of God above
Would drain the ocean dry;
Nor could the scroll contain the whole,
Though stretched from sky to sky."
There is more to God's love then all of us combined could ever describe. The depths are to deep to plumb and so vast the horizon is endless.
He doesn't want us to be despondent or overwhelmed by who He is, but rather in awe and passionate about sharing His glory.
Stand amazed. Be in awe. Then tell of His wonder and majesty.
He's called you to be His scribe. Will you obey or continue to doubt?
Love you, my friend.
"My heart overflows with a beautiful thought! I will recite a lovely poem to the king, for my tongue is like the pen of a skillful poet." Psalm 45:1
I identify. Its been a hard first year of blogging. But the Lord is slowly opening me up to share. I haven't found my place yet. It still doesn't feel right.
I've wanted to be called a 'writer' all my life. I've written all my life. But not for publication. Publication changes things for me – I'm not sure why. When I'm just writing from the heart – He writes through me and the words just flow with such richness and power. It rarely does that for me when I write a post. I am called to write long hand – for a specific reason. The Holy Spirit flows through me more freely when I am not sitting at the keyboard and using both hands to hunt and peck. Longhand changes something in my brain – my spirit comes alive – a door is open… everyone is different – try something new. But don't get discouraged. I can tell that the Lord has something to say through you. Let Him say it.
I try to remember that there is someone out there that He has a message for and I ask Him to get the message to them through me. this was the urgency of my last post. The Holy Spirit wrote it. It took a path I hadn't even considered. It was too long – but needed to be all in one post for the whole message. God hit His intended target – with one reader. I knew it the minute she responded. I responded in tears with the Holy Spirit's confirmation that His message had been received. This was a Holy Joyful moment for me. I pray that I can be that vessel again to just one person. Just one person.
My daughter told me years ago that God has one special person waiting to hear what He wants to say through my writing. If I don't say it – they may never hear the words. It is very important to write for our KING. He is the giver of our gifts and He has plans to use them through us. Don't get discouraged. The world is waiting to hear what He has to say through you. Our gifts do not just belong to us alone – but to a waiting world. We must remember this. Our words are given to us – to be given away – for the sake of someone else.
keep writing – and forget about everything else except what's in your heart. Those treasures that the Lord has planted on the inside of you – to share.
I'm encouraging myself as I encourage you 🙂
Hugs,
Patrina <")>><
🙂 YES!!!
what a painful, beautiful dagger to the heart. Thank you, Tiffany.
This is beautiful Tiffany. You are truly a King's Kid and I'm proud of your brave truthfulness.
There is no doubt that part of your ministry is the blog,you touch many with your writers heart here.
May you be encouraged today by the King and His kids who love our sister and her honest heart.
Love and hugs,
Paulette Harris.
Such great words Tiffany and so much truth to them. Thank you for sharing this and for being transparent!
You are a blessing…
Yes, we are all a mess in someway. Organization and focus is mine.
You are already a writer and have a following of readers.
So I'm playing editor and amending the third sentence in your first paragraph from "My journey to publication or lack thereof" to "My journey to publication is still in progress." 🙂
In a few weeks I'd amend it to "My journey to publication is a pretty certain thing." 🙂
Wow, Tiffany! This post is exactly where I see myself. I had a strong start and became published, then I stopped submitting. God is doing an amazing thing to heal my heart of past wounds, so I think I'm in a transition. Perhaps I just got tired of the uphill battle. But thankfully, God never stops calling, or stops equipping me (and you!). You are a blessing.
Amen…to write for GOD. Period. Our Audience of One. Servants of The Most High GOD. Thank you for sharing.
Thanks for the agreement, Connie. 🙂