(I’m not usually wordy on my posts. Except in prayer I can ramble. Just a warning this is long.)
Father God, today is a new day. Thank You. Please cleanse my heart, make it pure again. I confess I’ve compared myself with other bloggers lately. I rate myself: not good enough. I see others moving forward and finding joy in the journey.
Did I miss the last rescue boat? I feel like others are willing to work hard and write their best regardless. I hold back time and time again. I hoard the beautiful moments we share. Why? What is blocking me from sharing freely? I want others to know You deeply. I want them to have more moments with You. I want people to find hope and healing. So why do I hold back?
I hate platform building stuff. It gets right under my skin and You know me, Lord. I push against it, hard. I push so much against it that I sometimes miss Your invitation to write.
Forgive me for being so bull headed. So prideful. Help me submit to whatever You want for me. Show me how I can best use my love of people and love of pics and words.
Lord, help me not lose heart. I struggle that I can’t do the social part of blogging like I used to. It takes too much time. Hard part is I miss my connections online. You have blessed me with precious friends here. Gifts straight from Your hand. Divine appointments. I’ve been blessed to meet many in real life. My forever sisters for sure.
Lord, I need wisdom. I want to invest my time wisely during this season. As a mom of two teens, I have a life outside of blogging. Who doesn’t though? I want to love my husband and kids and friends well. Often I feel too tired to invest my all.
But one truth is I can be lazy, even selfish. I can feed my spirit all day long through worship music and audio sermons and still have my bed unmade. Help me juggle life’s to do’s. Help me tend to what matters most. You and me first, then others. Help me complete daily chores. No more procrastination.
Teach me Your way, Lord. I’m just not sure which way to go. Some say it’s writing books. Others say it’s using my pictures and words to make something sell-able (art or greeting cards)to help rescue trafficked boys and girls. Others say it’s speaking more. One says it’s resting at Jesus’ feet more. Another says it’s getting a paying job. And yet another says, pick two and just do them. LOL
I can’t listen to the voices of others and end up confused and immobilized. Being stuck is awful. Nothing feels good about muddy living. I need clear water to swim in. I need wings to fly.
I need to hear from You. Lord Jesus, You know me. You know my limitations. You know my pace is slow, the turtle in me is never in a hurry.
You know what trips me up. Especially when I look to others or myself, I miss seeing You. You know what I’m afraid of both success and failure. I see giant obstacles in all directions. I over analyze. Naturally I want to hide and forget everything when I do. Life choices becomes too much for my easily distracted mind. It’s easier to stop before I even start.
God, You know the future. You know the dreams You still have for me and the people I will meet and places we will go. You know everything about me and You smile big. You DON’T look at what I can do, but You look at who I am in You.
In You, I have everything I need. I have perfect love, peace, joy, and living water bubbling over. That’s enough. We share daily life together. I love You, Jesus. I thank You for loving me. Thank You for showing me I don’t need initials after my name to have value. I am priceless as I am. In Your hand. Held. You paid the ultimate price to rescue me. Love came for me and I live my life to thank You.
Our relationship is enough.
Thank You for being my Rock, the cornerstone. Thank You for being my redeemer, my best friend, my hiding place. My hope. The one who sings over me. The lifter of my head. My daily bread, my drink. The author and perfecter of my faith.
Help me live a good glory story. For Your glory, not my own. And Lord, if anyone out there needed to hear this struggle, I pray You will minister to them personally. Maybe that’s why I felt led to pray personally.
Speak, Lord, we are listening. No more noise. No more distractions. No more excuses. Only You. We love You, Jesus. Amen
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Thanks for sharing your heart sis, praying for you.
Ah Tiffany, I so understand. Praying for you, sweet one. (((Tiffany)))
Those struggles are so real. We want to be in the right place, but I believe you are, Tiffany. Don't worry about whether 'someday' your heart will be clouded and you see people as stats, just be faithful today and He will provide. I say this only because I have felt the same way many times. I don't want to do the work because it might somehow diminish people or what God has spoken, but the enemy wraps us in knots over it and He just releases more grace and freedom.
I speak that over you today… more grace, more freedom. You are such a blessing, Tiffany. Standing with you for God's best and direction. He is good and His love endures forever!
Thanks for your honest and open prayer.
hearing your personal struggle surprised me, Tiffany. I see you in a different light. But then I only see you through your words which depict your heart. And isn't that the heart of things? Where your heart is.
I identify in many ways. I feel more like a turtle these days than the combo beaver/Lion personality I've tested to be. My point is – we go though seasons – God created all nature that way. Even turtles hibernate. (depending on where they live, I guess). God also created us for seasons too. As long as our heart is constant and fixed on Him – he'll get us through to the next season.
Change is inevitable. Change is good. I think it is designed and ordered by God. What was important to me a few months ago – has no meaning now. I am in a changing stage. I am like a molting eagle. I'm throwing off grave clothes – I'm feeling naked and vulnerable. My spirit is heavy – my hope is being ripped from me day after day. I want to give up and just sit on my rock for a while. I'm tired.
But I know that the Lord has His eye on me – right where I am. I know that He will not let me fall. I know that all eagles have to go through this stage to gain new strength to soar higher. I have my heart set on that Strength – to one day soar again – higher than I ever imagined.
I'm just saying that it's OK to be where you are. It's OK to ask these questions. It's OK. This is a season for you. I know your heart well enough to know that – like me – you will gain new strength to fly higher than you've ever flown before. God will take us places we never dreamed of – if we're faithful in this season. I hear your heart cry. You are a faithful one. We are here – right here in this season – today – so that those that come behind us – will find us faithful. Just walk by faith, Tiffany …it will be OK. God has His eye on you. His heart is full of love for you, and He knows the places and the things that He has planed for you. Just walk…it will be OK.
Praying for you, Tiffany
patrina <")>><
warrior bride in boots
Tiffany…I have been reading your blog for quite some time now, and I can't tell you how many times your words have touched me and blessed my wounded heart. It is because of your testimony and your blog that I was finally able to lay my past hurts at the cross and receive Christ's healing. Without going into much detail, your story is quite similar to mine. I have carried so much guilt and shame because of my past, but praise God, He never gave up on me. Your boldness in sharing your redemptive story has been such an encouragement to me, and God is doing a mighty work in my heart and life. Thank you for being so open and honest about your struggles. I understand them, and have been struggling with some of the same things. I do not blog, but I can imagine that it can be difficult to keep up with and take care of your family. I want to tell you that even on my most hectic days, when I have the time to read your blog, your beautiful words always uplift me and give me hope. I love the way God is using your ministry to work in my life. Just wanted you to know that. I am praying that you will be able to just rest in Him sweet sister. Thank you for sharing your heart with us.
Tiffany,
I hear your struggles, and I can relate. It is easy to bounce around the blogosphere and see all of the amazing talent, and people who really seem to be going places.It is easy to read posts and think that so and so writes with so much passion, and my own writing is so mediocore. I get it.
But here's the fun thing. You said God knows our dreams and you are so right. I beleive He gives us those dreams for a reason. He puts that longing in our hearts and then stands back.
Continue on girl.
Oh, and ps, I happen to think you are an amazing writer…I'm just saying!
Just remember that there are many people praying for you.
I think EVERYONE wrestles with some degree to the things you have petitioned and prayed about here…I know I do…A LOT…and what I have heard in my spirit…is WAIT and TRUST…
Yes, I know we can sometimes use the WAIT part to postpone the inevitably…but waiting on a confirmation from the Lord while trusting in His word…is quite different…TRUST…that just as HE has in the past…HE WILL in the future…direct your path…
I have been teaching a womans prayer class and we created some pretty cool prayer journals you might be interested in making one as well…I added it to my blog so others can create them too. I am making them as Christmas gifts this year for my sister in law and a few close friends. Happy Fall and thank you for sharing here =O)
Blessings to you my sweet Tiffany!
Thank you for sharing your heart with such transparency before God and us!
Sounds kinda like mine and also my prayers for you but now I have it more concrete… I think we both missed the rescue boat. Can you imagine how those being trafficked feel? (I know that's in your heart & prayer here but clearly you and I feel stuck… in the muck and spinning wheels)
I was here when this posted but having so many internet problems, I'd write and wait and it wouldn't post so I gave up in frustration and hoped I'd be able to come back soon. I think I had a prayer written before but know my heart and HIS hear yours… I'm just thrilled I have internet for now…
and I can let you know, I'm praying with you… You may like my "Hiding from God" post today
…though I know that was part of your heartache, I was surprised to see you, what a real honor and blessing to know you & thanks for the beautiful prayer here and the cup of tea… is it time for apple cider yet? You are priceless! Stay strong and in His hand… but move forward, don't let the indecision hold you back from life and your purpose daily. The path will open and be more clear as you press on.
Your turtle image and your Hiding Place, made me think you may like this post… I thought of you and prayed…then there you were…
Love, peace, prayers… and a hug,
Peggy
Hello Friend! As a follower of the Living My Life on Purpose blog we would like to invite you to its new location.
http://www.livingmylifeonpurpose.com
Please come visit us!
We want to continue doing life together on purpose!
Hey precious sister, I so love you and I'm praying for you as you shared your heart here. I can understand as I have my areas too… The LORD loves you deeply and you are in His will. Trust Him and know that He's leading you. Keep surrendering to Him day after day.
I love you and I'm standing with you in prayer.
Praying for you sis;) Thank you for being real here. I have some of these same struggles in my life.
You are loved. You are His princess.
Love ya ((hugs))