As I continue to seek God’s face for wisdom during my rest, I sense I am to be a drink offering to all who visit my blog. A cup always pouring out. Which means, I need to let you into my relationship with God. Show you more depth. I feel the pull to unveil His love to you all even more. And to be honest, I don’t like that idea. I have huge fears. I show you only so much. Often I hide the very best of me: my intimacy with God.
Why?
For two reasons. One is because I don’t want anyone to feel like I once did.
In 2000, I remember taking a Bible study with a few friends and feeling insignificant to God. The reason? We had to answer and share an experience when God showed up. I couldn’t think of one such time. And I had walked with Him for years. I felt like something was wrong with me. Crushed, I internalized that to mean I wasn’t as special to God.
I knew why.
Thoughts and visions of my past came to mind. I have a history that’s not exactly pretty. Some of it is downright ugly. Sure, I made it into God’s family, but I was not allowed to come too close. I thought God had His boundaries–at least an arm’s length away–and I just needed to be thankful I was in at all.
Sound familiar to anyone?
If so, this kind of thinking is warped. Not true. God doesn’t think like this. He welcomes all. with arms wide open. Over the last eight years, God continues to speak to me about His love for me. That is the area He speaks the loudest, confirming I am His beloved. Precious in his sight. All the time. No matter what I do or don’t do.
At last, I believe Him. How healing! How freeing!
Do you believe His love for you?
My second fear is being labeled a “religious freak.” I hate labels. I’ve had my share. And all of them were lies. But I believed them. The word “religion” is something I am not. Religion to me is dry, all rules. No relationship. I am all about diving deeper into relationship with Jesus Christ. Finding Him in the ordinary moments of my days. Seeing His love in my husband, my children, friends, and strangers. Offering His hand to someone in need. Looking past the surface of life. Speaking words of kindness and forgiveness no matter what. Crawling into God’s lap full of dirt with my war stories to tell. Trusting Him to listen to me, wipe my tears, and hold me until I fall asleep.
So here I am offering you a drink today. A warm cup of His love. I’ve sat for years and journaled His still small voice to my heart. I don’t do it everyday. Not even every week. But when I can calm my busy brain down, there’s always a reward to listening.
His presence.
Here’s an entry from March 2008 as I listened. May someone feel these words deeply today and receive Him.
“Come, my child. Rest in my lap. I am security. I am peace. I am hope. I am strength. I am truth. I am love. I am yours.
There is no greater love than mine. I will satisfy the hopeless hearts. I am able and willing to dive into the depths of pain, fear and sorrow. Nothing stops me from going deep. Love compels me. Love is my being.
Everything I do is for love’s greater purpose. Listen, see, and taste my love. Breathe it in. Drink deeply.
I capture every second of your life. As you capture glimpses of life with your camera, I capture you. You are on my mind. My eye follows you.
Nothing separates us. I am near. I live within you. I am who I am. Nothing takes my place. I am first and last. Beginning and end. I am God. Holy. Truth. Incomparable. Nothing compares to my love. My voice echoes into every corner of the earth. Into the lonely. Into the bitter. The desperate. The broken. The wounded.
I am not afraid of pain. I took all of it on me. Willingly. For love. Because I want your heart. If you were the only one on earth, I would still take the lashes, the piercings, the humiliation, the cross.
All for you.
All because of love.
Will you be forever mine?”
Dearest Tiffany, Thank you so much for this post-it is so powerful. I so understand all that you’ve shared. I am always aware that others out of the family of Christ(but in my earthly family)may read my journaling and turn away from what I am trying, in humble words, to share..which is only Him. I too have walked through life before Him, so lost, so sinful yet so hungry. So thank you from my heart for sharing yours with us, if I could I’d hug you. Blessings to you this week.
Love, Noreen
Shine Jesus Shine!
That is what my heart hears from your life! Thank you for being the Tiffany God created you to be!
Hi Tiffany,
I DO believe His love for me – it’s what has gotten me through all these years.
Thanks for sharing your beautiful journal entry. Thanks for being vulnerable.
Blessings to you!
How beautiful! Thank you for the drink. God is so amazing in His love for us. He never fails and He never changes. Regardless of what I may have been in the past, He loves me. It is awesome to realize that if I had been the only sinner in the world, Christ would still have come and died just for me. Thank you for sharing. Blessings from Costa Rica
Love that you are sharing your heart here….
I have felt the same way you feel….
And I have been on the other side as well, having had a woman in Bible study tell me once that I was "too deep"….
For years I hid the intimacy that I shared with Papa…because of that comment. I didn't want to be "too deep"….
Now it is what it is…I want others to know how deeply they are loved.
It's amazing this thing called relationship. Most of my life hidden away in the "shoulds' of religion…I had no idea that something like this fierce love existed….
Loved your heart shared here, my friend.
Love & Hugs,
Julie
Blessings to you as you share the love of Christ. He radiates through your post today.
Engrafted by His Grace-
Shonda
Amen, my friend! I am always encouraged by visiting your blog. I can’t wait to see what the Lord leads you to share.
I hope you have a great week!
I cannot even begin to tell you the depth that this post spoke to my heart. I wanted to start jumping up and down! I could always feel in your writing and in your comments to me that you were disclosing some of yourself. That you only allowed me to see what you wanted me to. I am thankful to hear this post today. There is so much inside of you that so many could glean from and it makes me so mad that the enemy has bullied you into keeping that locked away for safe keeping. I feel past your words and into your heart and I know how it is to feel like no one will understand you much less appreciate the person that you are. People who have been marked by God and especially writers who are very deep and analytical thinkers are not appreciated all the time. But you have been marked by God for greatness. You have been marked by God for greatness. And again I say, you have been marked by God for greatness. I am loving hearing your heart pour out from the deep places you are visiting with Him. I so wish that I could take others to that place in Him that they didn’t know existed. I try very hard in my writing and in my life to be as transparant as possible as He leads and allows me to be and I try hard to pull the reader into what I am experiencing. I so want them to feel what I feel and hear what I hear. I feel you want to do the same. You keep pressing in as long as He is calling you to come. Those times are the most precious to me. It is a place of surrender and peace coupled with the pain of revelation. Bitter sweet. But the results are precious. Keep going Tiffany. You are doing just fine and God is very well pleased with you. And if you ever do get to South Carolina my friend, I would love for you to come sit with me awhile…I have a place reserved just for you and my light is always on…
Much much love–
Nicole
Tiffany,
Such a beautiful love letter…this is how your journal entry reads to me!
Blessings to you sweet sis!
And by the way, you must have truly made a lasting impact on my little man Matthew. While he was sitting at the bar in the kitchen doing his homework, he was telling his daddy the story of how God was not gone when he couldn’t see Him just like the mountain wasn’t gone when you couldn’t see it. You are privileged because he is a 7 year old boy and he gives no details to anything. Ask him what he did at school and this is what you get “I don’t remember”….lol. He remembered every detail of your story though…have a blessed night…
Beautiful!
Thank you so much for bringing willing to be a drink offering… the Lord touched my heart deep down today through your words as tears streamed down my face. I just can’t seem to stop crying lately… I truly feel broken, more so than I ever have in my life, and I know that the Lord uses broken vessels, maybe He has some purpose for my future for which He needs me to be more broken… I am not sure. But I am broken and hurting, and the words you shared have been a balm to my heart and soul, thank you sweet friend! Thank you for your transparency and your willingness to be used by Him, keep resting in Him!
Blessings!