I am still in shock that I am FREE. Something has changed inside me. A weight is lifted. It’s amazing that I can live each day without feeling some darkness, shame, fear,or something ugly chasing me. I keep thinking someday the light will fade and I will wake up to the reality I’m sinking into some gooey, black hole. If that happens, so be it. But I don’t need to worry about that. God wants me to rejoice in THIS day and not worry about my tomorrows.
So today I rejoice in the freedom I feel. I rejoice in my savior’s mercy and love. I thank God for his perfect timing for my deliverance. It’s been years and years of wrestling. Longer than I thought. I don’t feel boxed in to worship God just in my recliner with my Bible open anymore. I believe in the Word, don’t get me wrong. I finally believe God lives in me. His spirit goes with me on my walk or out to my garden. His voice is truth, not the lies I used to buy over and over. Now my relationship with Him is free to grow and blossom into something even bigger than I hoped for.
Am I perfect now? Not even close. Do I still struggle and sin? Yes. Without a doubt. But struggling is different than being bound.
I guess what I’m trying to say is that it is worth the emotional struggle to find this place of peace. My freedom is worth every tear, every counseling session, every desperate prayer, every book I’ve read, every song I cried singing, every verse I read and reread, and every rough night’s sleep. I thank God for the strength to work through my childhood sexual abuse and my abortion this year. I still have lots of heart work to do. Don’t we all? Now, I look forward to the process with expectation and hope. The process grows my relationship with Him. Why wouldn’t I want that? I will take the pain intimacy brings any day over the pain of bondage.
God is able to do more than I could hope or imagine. He is worthy. He is all I need. He is my peace, my hope, my song, my life’s purpose. He is my stronghold.
Amen to that! The freedom Christ brings is absolutely glorious!! Praising God for the freedom He has brought you!
Sweet friend, doesn’t freedom feel wonderful? I love that I am not held to a “form of worship” or a set of rules to follow.. I am overwhelmed that I don’t have to have a disciplined quiet time each day for a certain amount of time in the morning to FULFILL my duty as a soldier of the Lord…. Instead I can live in the embrace of my Papa all day long… singing with Him, listening to Him, reading with Him…just resting without a word… It’s all so amazing. I never knew I could be loved like this or love in return. I have been ruined for the ordinary. The more I know Him the more I long for Him in the depths….
Love to you this day,
Julie
He came to set us (captives) free! I so relate to the abuse issues; such was my own heavy weight for years. Rejoicing with you in this glorious freedom! Bask in it…love & hugs, Vicki
Praise God for the precious freedom that you are experiencing. I am sharing this joy with you my friend, love you.
Thank you Tiff for the words of encouragement. To see the freedom from bondage that you have is a light at the end of the tunnel! THANK YOU!
Brooke
Hallelujah! Praise God you are free!!!!
Sweet. Praises to the King. Wow, Tiffany, wonderful, like a fresh breeze in Florida!! That’s awesome that you can sit and write in that environment. Bless you!!
I think I met the author of the study you did @ She Speaks. She was entering the blogger’s reception (of which I knew very few) and we started talking. She said she was with living proof ministries and had written a study on post abortion (cant remember the name.) I asked her a bit about it and it sounded familiar.
Your freedom is beautiful. I am praying for your writing. I am sure you have alot to offer from your experience. I think more women than not have had some form of sexual abuse. It’s very sad, but God is the Blessed Redeemer!! I am sure He will use you in His work to do just that!
Love, Kathy