I talked on the phone with a friend of mine yesterday. She confessed feeling isolated where she lives. No one comes to visit even though she’s only fifteen miles away. The sights are beautiful along the way. Rolling hills. Pines. I’ve been there.
However with high gas prices, we are all rethinking our routes, aren’t we? So her dreams of having her country home as a place for friends to gather slowly dies. But should it? I’m not sure.
I told her I’ve lived in both the country and city within the last ten years and both places have a sense of isolation.
So what is going on?
As we talked, I confessed I’d rather hang out at my house on the weekends. I’d rather go home after carpooling my kids around town on weeknights. Life is BUSY. And I value down time. I value it to the point of rebelling against busyness. Maybe even to the point of weakness.
The more I think about this, the more I realize there may be a problem brewing. Here’s what I told her.
“We’re losing a valid part of why we were created.”
“Write that down,” she said. I did. And now you are hearing it. Do you agree?
How come so many of us long for community and heart-to-heart connections and yet when it comes down to making it happen, we choose the couch, a book and the remote.
I’m guilty.
Is it community a value anymore?
Or are we just too tired or too busy to care?
I’m still searching for my answer.
I think part of what you are seeing is the instant gratification society we live in. Why should I travel to wherever you live to meet with you face to face when I can just type a quick note and be off? Between the cell phones stuck to peoples’ ears and the text messaging, why bother? Someday we will be sorry as God made us for community. I’m sorry for your friend. Its a sad story.
Hmm…interesting question, Tiffany. I think we are just tired and too busy. And honestly, we wait for people to come to us, don’t we? I know I’m guilty on that front. Plus, many people don’t grow up in community anymore. How many children have grandparents who live states away? I grew up and went to school with some of my cousins. That is rare now. Some have no understanding of the benefit of community. We’ve learned to rely on ourselves and don’t like to be vulnerable enough to admit we need other people.
It’s a complicated issue, brewing for generations, with no easy answer. Very thought-provoking.
Guilty! I admit if there’s a choice between relaxing at home and going out some where more often than not I will choose relaxing at home.
Thanks for sharing this post.
Thanks for posting about this sweetie.
You know how I feel about this…we’ve emailed back and forth about it.
I hate it that relationship is getting lost in the midst of “life”… I just hate it….
But it’s easy to just give up…after all fighting for relationship seems insurmountable sometimes.
Hugs to you,
Julie
Hey, I had started a post a long time ago about this…your post stirred me to post it.
Thanks,
Julie
Yep, you wonder why in the world do you have friends that aren’t right there. Is is because an email is a quick fix? Is is because they can’t offer what is missing in a person’s life? Is it because they aren’t worth keeping and meeting up for lunch or a hug? Is is one-sided and you just give up or are you so popular that you can’t keep up with them? These are all excuses that I have read about in other’s notes.
There are levels of friendships too. Does one put them into different boxes for different needs? I think that if a friend needs me, gas makes no difference.
I believe that southern dreaming is right about an instant gratification society. I feel especially sorry for the older people who don’t have computers, text messaging, and cell phones.
I have mentioned this to church leaders before, they just shrug their shoulders.
Don’t know. I have never done that and so some people just come and go in my life because I don’t measure up. I am overweight, not a good writer, there are a number of reasons, I have a sick husband and a family that needs me. Thank goodness, Jesus is who He is, my best friend and always willing to meet me where I am. I try to follow His example as a friend to others.
I don’t always know how to ask for help, I assume that my friends would know and that is expecting quite a lot of people in our fast paced times.
You can find a good description of friendship in the Word. A friend is a person who is there at all times and thinks, believes the best about you.
Hugs in Jesus,
Paulette
Tiffany,
I just saw your post on “Too Tired to Care?” Something to think about. Could be true. Sometimes I think I may find myself doing this. Sad, but I think it may be true.
I relate to your friend, having moved to the outskirts of town, and it is seldom people will head out to visit. Taking my 4 Fruit Loops with me into town to visit is equally as daunting. And yet I do long for ‘tea time’ with friends. If it is as relaxing to be with friends as it is to be at home on the couch then problem solved.
Last night, we had friends over for the Laker game, and while the guys watched, we sat in the kitchen, children running in and out, and I folded 4 loads of laundry while we talked.
My dear friend even helped look after my Tiny Dancer.
If the standard of ‘entertaining guests’ can be reset to simple, then perhaps we can enjoy one anothers company in our PJ’s (appropriate ofcourse) on the couch.
I think if I had a nice friend to visit who made me welcome I would enjoy it. The people we used to visit have moved very far away. Life wasn’t quite as nice after that.