Drove to a coffee house today to write. When I got there, one of my closest friends was there with a friend. I wasn’t happy. I didn’t want to be found. I purposely left my home in search of a quiet place to write.
My plans weren’t God’s. Seeing my dear friend made me break–again. More tears. I am in the middle of grieving a life I let go of 18 years ago. My abortion. My child named Grace. (Read my previous post, Reality of my Abortion)
Who knew I’d feel such brokenness all these years later?
My God.
Who knew I’d feel such deep love for a daughter I never met?
My God.
Who knew I needed a friend when I wanted to be alone?
My God.
He provided me with a hug and sweet words when I didn’t think I needed anything but space. Time alone.
My friend said with tears in her eyes, “You are walking a lonely road. A road only you and God can walk together. Sure, others can walk alongside you, but God is the only one who can bring healing and redemption.”
Hmm. Truth felt deep within.
I feel so alone. I feel so odd for talking about my aborted baby. A life who deserves to be remembered with dignity. She wasn’t just a blob. She was a spirit. A life designed by God.
Most people never even talk about this. That frustrates me. Screaming inside, I want to stop this madness. I want to speak out. I want to offer my story as hope that healing is possible. Women need to know abortion is not the answer. It’s the problem.
Lord, help me lean on you as we travel this lonely road together. Carry me. My tears weigh me down. I need a break. Sorrow invades my soul. The word grace will never be the same for me. I feel like you are saying, “That’s the point. Remember life when you read the word grace. Remember me. Remember her. Remember my love.”
My dear friend, hold on to the precious hem of His garment. He loves you, and He has forgiven you. I love you.
You are in my prayers. You are forgiven and God truly loves you.
Blessings.
Sweet Tiffany~
God sees your brokenness, and he longs to hold you in his arms, pulling you close to his chest. Breathe him in friend.
He is YOUR healer, your protector, your friend, your Savior.
I’m standing in the gap for you….
Kim~
Oh Tiffany,
I’m praying, and I care.
I just wrote you the longest message and lost it somehow???
OK, maybe God just wants me to say I love you, and I’m here…
Do you get CBN? There is a guest speaker today that will share her testimony, it’s yours. She even looks like you!
Hope you get to see it. If not, I’ll send you a link to it.
Love you,
Susan
I am praying for you…
that the God of ALL comforts will comfort you with the divine comfort you need…
that He will give you the strength to make it through this, and that through your weakness He will be strong in you…
Tiffany, my heart aches for you. I so want you to give this burden to God. God can deal with this, and he will always love you. He is a forgiving God. You have punished yourself long enough. He does not want you to suffer any longer. “Walk In Faith and Trust in the Lord.” Remember all the good you have done in this world.
Give it to God totally.
Praying for you, dear one. You’re in the place Beth Moore refers to as “Further Still.” Where friends and loved ones cannot go…it’s only you and God. Let Him carry you and heal your grieving heart.
…He heals the broken hearted and binds up their wounds…Ps. 147:3
You are not alone as you walk this road–although I realize the heartache is yours alone.
Your friends are coming alongside you to help bear your burden by praying for you … by letting you know we love you … by reminding you God loves you and is redeeming this moment … and that moment 18 years ago.
Tiffany your heart is beautiful! God sees and loves you and wants to carry you through this. The reunion one day with Grace will be amazing!
I emailed you a few days ago with the title of a song by Point of Grace called Heal the Wound. In case you didn’t get that email or were unable to find the lyrics, I’m going to post them on my blog. I pray they will bless you as you walk this path of brokenness along.
I’m praying for you as you participate in the memorial service.
I love you my friend.
I thought for sure I posted here, but I cannot find it.
I am glad that God ordered your steps and surrounded you with friends to love you in the midst. I love how He interrupts things to love us.
I know this is so very hard for you to remember and grieve…. I just see the beauty erupting through the ashes though…such beauty it is stunning.
Hugs & Love,
Julie
What sweet love- for the Lord to name your baby Grace. Everytime she comes to mind you have a reminder to recall His mercy.
You will find streams in the desert. Sweet water.
love, Kathy
I am here to say that you are not alone. I wished I had not kept so much inside of me for 30 years. I trusted no one to understand and hold me up. I believed no one could love me the way things were and not see what was wrong with my daughter. I blamed myself but did’t know how to “fix” things. I suffered deeply for burying my head in the sand and trying to convince myself that things weren’t really the way that they were. What??? Yes…wounds needed to be healed and I needed people but You have had he courage to share and that is huge Tiffany. Yes, things are between you and God, but let others love you too. I just prayed today with precious Carol and Susan as they dropped into visit. God spoke to us as we ministered to each other. We are His instruments of His Love. Let Him use people to love you Tiffany. I learned a hard lesson. We are not loners in this world. God created us to “help” one another and be his hands and arms and yes, legs,eyes, etc. I don’t know how to ask others for help because of my upbringing and rejection but God is teaching me.
I love you very much Tiffany and so does my family. We are all praying for your healing and success.
May you hear clearly from God this week as you move forward in your calling as a writer and may you be healed in your pain as you walk with your precious Savior.
Love,
Paulette
Your post touched me deeply and reached into the unhealed areas of my own heart today…..