What does support look like in your life?
I struggle with the word “support.” I’ve wondered for the past year plus what being supportive looks like. I’ve even discussed this with a Christian counselor.
At one point my husband started an advertising business and he asked for my help. I didn’t want to do the necessary tasks. They weren’t ME. I don’t like cold calling even if it is an “easy sale.” This caused some stress in our relationship.
He wanted to move towards his dream, but with his full time job, he needed help. An employee. As his wife and knowing my schedule was flexible, he thought I could join in as his partner.
I never helped him.
And for a long time, I felt like a terrible, unsupportive wife. I felt misunderstood. It wasn’t my passion, it was his. I desperately wondered if there was another way to “support” his passion other than work for him. I’ve learned praying for him is one way I enjoy supporting him.
Anyway, the same issue of support rises up for me as a writer. I get disappointed at times when those closest to me don’t read anything I write. Sometimes I am sad that my family and lifelong friends rarely read or comment on my blog. I’ve been writing on here for three years now. Even though I know life is busy and not everyone is techy, I still must have hidden expectations. Which are unfair.
I recently pouted about some of my friends not filling out my survey about shame. I think they have great examples I could use. And yet I say I trust God with all of this. I say He will bring the right ladies. But if I were honest, I don’t trust God completely. If I did, I wouldn’t let this pitiness bother me.
When I think about all of this, I have to trust that people care about me even if they never read my heart. I have to let others off my “support me” hook.
What helps me the most is to remember how I felt with Derek and his business idea. I did not want to pick up the phone and call strangers. I cannot expect my friends to all be like me. Many of them aren’t writers. They don’t have a blog. They are busy moms. Some have jobs. Some see me in person. Some call or e-mail. Some pray. For me to demand that they do this, this and this to support me is wrong.
I need to let those I love be who God created them to be. And I need to be thankful for the wealth of friends I’ve found by blogging.
God is always at work in me showing me my weaknesses. I need to surrender my expectations in His hands. When I try to manipulate things, they get ugly.
I need to remember I live for an audience of One! God is my greatest support, my strong place to rest.
Why am I still looking for the support of man?
Lord, free me from this bondage. I’m sick of thinking about me. I want to live for you.
I understand what you are saying Tiffany and being a person who likes affirmation myself I try to leave a comment whenever I read anyone’s posts even if its a simple Amen! I think we all like to know that someone is out there and that we matter.
We do need to find our value in God and seek only HIM. I’m focusing on Galatians 1:10 now because like you said (and like Randy Alcorn says in his books) we will stand before an Audience of One. It doesn’t matter what anyone thinks but God alone. He knows the motives of our hearts and we need to ask Him to work through us because we in our own power can accomplish little.
Thanks again for all you do!
Tiffany I enjoy both of your blogs and think you are doing a great job uplifting and encouraging.
God truly appreciates all of your efforts, and so do I. I love you my friend.
Well, I understand this too. Sometimes you wonder if all the effort is worth it–and people’s feedback tells us, “Yes, it is.”
Sometimes people give us that needed/desired feedback–and sometimes they don’t.
I still wonder why some family/friends didn’t post a review of my book on Amazon … I know they liked my book because they told me they did.
It’s probably not personal–it’s just their lives got busy like mine does.
And so, I need to offer them grace just like I want them to offer me appreciation or encouragement.
And, by the way: I appreciate you!!
Tiffany, I love your honest heart.
I find that trust is a big issue in my life with who I am a friend with. When they show their true colors, I am apt to back away. I also will not press any further where I am not welcomed and embraced.
I understand your need for affirmation. It is human and I think that most people deal with it in their walk with the Lord.
I am praying for your little friend and his family. So sorry that they have to go through this trial, but I am glad that God provided you as a support in their lives.
Blessings in Jesus.
Yeah, I know what you mean. It seems that people I hardly know are way more willing to read my stuff and offer great input, than those that are closest to me (besides my husband, who is always eager).
My best girl friend doesn’t read a thing I send her. At first, it made me sad… but now, I just realize that some people don’t care about writing. Ha! Imagine that!
I still think that we should always be willing to support and encourage each other, even if it isn’t something we enjoy. Personally, I don’t want to be known as someone who doesn’t read (passionately) something someone sends me. Or just listening to my husband’s songs and looking at his designs. I want to encourage people.
You know?
Sometimes, sadly, we find that in strangers! Love ya!
Oh, and I have your shame survey, but I’m not sure if I really have anything valuable to include. Want me to still do it anyway?
Tiff:
That was very honest and brave. I’m proud of you for stepping out and risking the “approval” of others on your post today. It was very well said.
I know it is very disappointing when those we call our closest friends and family find it difficult to acknowledge our passions and celebrations. We assume they do not care, have no interest or we feel judged by their lack of communication.
Our sinful human nature is about me (“self”). Sometimes we forget that life is not about me, it is about others. When we step out and acknowledge the little things in someone elses life, we plant a little seed of encouragement and hope. If feels good.
I think the excuse of being too busy or not having the same passion is only that; a selfish excuse. I will be the first to admit that I often fall into this category.
God loves all, regardless of your talent, treasure, interests, looks, passion. I always say, you know who your true frinds are when you are either going through a tragedy or a celebration.
This post is aesome. I love you.
D