This is the first season where I actually have very little to do. Both my kids are in school all day. Usually by this time of the year, I’m more committed. It’s a tough and yet peaceful place.
Tough because I’m bored doing the same thing day in and day out. Clean the kitchen, wash clothes, make my bed, grocery shop, write a blog, critique articles, rework mine, listen to an on-line sermon, think, dream, and pray. Some days I feel like this is what it would be like to live in a nursing home. Quiet and alone.
I have friends who only wish they had a moment of rest in their days. Young moms in particular. My word to them is, “I know it’s hard. Your days of solitude will come. Enjoy the season you are in.”
Now onto the peace, most of the time I enjoy being alone. I’m more introvert than extrovert. By that I mean, I am refueled by my time alone. I like having the freedom to read or sit in silence. I love doing chores with worship music blaring. I love being still. It’s a part of who God made me to be. But lately, something within me is restless.
Is it because the Lord is stirring me to serve? Start volunteering, speaking or writing full-time? I’ve recently called Life Network to volunteer my time. Still waiting for the packet to come in the mail. I’ve served in many different ministries and none of them have become a lifestyle for me. Maybe I haven’t found the right one yet. Or maybe it’s not the right season.
Is my restlessness because the culture says I need to be busy to be valuable? It’s so frustrating to me to know so many people are spinning like tops and are so empty. Without real relationships. Missing what really matters.
Is it because I feel guilty because I have things I should be doing with my down time that I’m avoiding? Like exercising or finishing a paint project I started over the summer. I have a My list of to-do’s I’ve been putting off for far too long.
There has to be a healthy balance between solitude and serving. Right now, I’m tipping the scale on the solitude side. Think it’s time to put some weight on the serving side. But to whom, where and when?
Still confused,
Wow, very thought provoking, Tiffany. I have no idea what that place looks like, so, sorry, I can’t offer any insight! For me, I think I chase after “staying busy” because I get mucho depressed otherwise. Someday when I do slow down, I guess I will have to deal with all the demons that I spend all my time ignoring in my busyness.
I get the feeling you don’t have demons, just a restlessness that tells you it’s time to thing of “the next thing.” Whatever it is, I know you’ll find it in time. Maybe it’s just being comfortable in the peacefulness.
I do have demons, Rachelle. Especially thoughts of worthlessness and depression. It’s a tug of war. I have days I lean into God. And days I hide away. I guess that determines the attitude I have for the day.
When people convet my lifestyle, I often say, “It’s not as easy as it looks.” Slowing down is bittersweet.
Ahhhhh! I’ve always wondered if it was sinful to just do nothing. I LOVE to be alone, read, write and sometimes stare out the window. I get my best ideas and dreams while basically doing nothing. Nice to meet ya.
I am going through an enforced “slow time” in my life and God is dealing with a lot of STUFF. I’ve just been soaking in the bath (the family are all at church and I stayed home this morning) and thinking and crying and praying. I don’t know the answer to your questions and I doubt you’d expect me to. It was a psychiatrist that pointed out to me that I was filling my life with activities in order to manufacture a false sense of self esteem.
It’s in those quiet times when we strip away all the outside stuff that God really shows us how much we desperately need him. The verse “Be still and KNOW that I am GOD” has been given to me soooo many times…
What God wants is relationship…. keep working on the daily walk with him and I think you will find the rest will fall into place. I get what you are saying about stepping out in faith but I think you will *know* in your heart if that’s what God is calling you to do.
I once heard a preacher say that God will tell us when he wants change in our lives. That if we don’t feel a prompting either way, to simply rest and enjoy just being within his will.
I’m sorry, I wasn’t planning on dishing out “advice”….I actually wanted to read what others had said….
I can understand your dilemma and appreciate you sharing it…. it’s amazing how much of a ministry there is simply in sharing what we’re going through… I think you’ll find you’re “giving” more than you even realise. 🙂
Jodi
http://lightening74.wordpress.com
I know I definitely go through seasons like this too. I have my kids all home with me, but there are times that I need to serve more, and other times I need to serve less and just listen to Him. I would say take your time in figuring out exactly what this stirring inside of you is. God will reveal it to you in His time. You’ll know what the right thing is when it’s time to. If you don’t have peace about it yet, then you don’t have His answer yet.
Appreciate your honesty, my friend.
Hello! I am in a phase of having very little time (marriage, job, baby). At times I long to be bored again, as I was before baby, but mostly I am exhilarated and worried it will all pass me by. Thanks for your writing.
Precious sister, thank you for your honesty.
I have been in such a slump for so long and every time I have to face the next problem, God reminds me He is in control and that going through whatever will give me strength and experience to really mean it when I pray with someone who is struggling. The other thing is that we are all in training. Sometimes it is working and sometimes it is rest. God seems to be saying to me that I am in training and prep for the next step in my writing and ministry gifts. Rest is not waste,we have to have quiet time to hear Him.
Hugs.
I really never thought about the daily chores until one day it became hard for me to do them. Making the bed is sometimes difficult and putting the pillow cases on. Pulling heavy blankets out of the washer and into the dryer. Then the other nite I watched a young man come on the show who was born with no limbs. Who had to struggle to do everything and also struggle with his own self esteem. And to know he worked it all out with the Lord and now has a ministry called life without limbs and preaches all over the world about Jesus. These people amaze me. So the Lord can even use you without limbs?